Sulz, since my comment to your post turned out to be very long... I've decided to make it a blog post instead.
Sorry to hear about you and your friend...
Now, I'm gonna play devil's advocate here because, I myself, am one of those kind of 'friends' you're talking about.
When I have a lot of work to do, I can't stop thinking on what I have to do. If I'm having lunch or hanging out with my friends, I try hard to really enjoy my time with them, but I can't avoid thinking about the problems I need to solve.
In my case, I appreciate it when I have friends who are understanding. I appreciate it when I ask them to be patient and they are. I appreciate it when they accept me the way I am, because well... to me, that's what being a friend means too.
If my friends don't want to keep in touch with me, they must have their reasons. I do try to contact them, but if they ignore me by not replying my emails, or voicemails... well, the message can't be clearer... I, for one, won't 'beg' them to be my friends.
I'm the kind of person that extends his hand in friendship unconditionally. Even if I don't keep in touch with someone for years, when they call me for help, I don't say no. For example, there was this guy who used to work with me; after I left the company, I called him a few times, left voicemails, etc. and he never called me or emailed me back... I said fine (yes, you could say I'm the kind of person who wouldn't do much of an 'effort' in a frienship). Like almost 2 years later, he called me at 2:00 AM to see if I could pick him up and let him stay for awhile at my place because he had a fight with his roommate and had to leave his apartment that same night (morning). I said: "gimme the address, I'll pick you up" and I did. I didn't say "oh, now that you need me, you call me."
I don't know your friend, but that's the kinda friend I am. You could say I'm a friend who's not attached to people... if they don't wanna talk to me, I won't look for them... to me that means they really didn't consider me a friend. I won't call them if I need something either. But if they call me because they need help, if I can, I don't see a reason why I shouldn't help them.
There's always two sides of the story. I mean, what about her? Have you consider how she might feel about all this? How she would react and see you after you've taken such decision? Not that you should care, because you took such decision for a reason, but at least it could be something for you to take into consideration.
This is just that "kind" of person's perspective... and maybe this can give you an idea of how your friend might see things.
Finally, like museditions said, it's most important for YOU to be happy. You do what you have to do. As long as YOU are happy, forget what others may think or feel.
Don't think I'm dissing the way you feel. Quite the contrary. I respect it.
I wish you success with your plans for the future. Like I said before, I've no doubt you'll go very far and will have lots of success in life. You deserve the best, I know you'll have the best.
sulz
thanks for taking your time to write this. i understand what you're trying to say, it looks like you'd make a good friend. what i saw in this girl, or thought i saw, was the potential to be my best friend, not a good friend. and in my definition, my best friend may not have time for me, but cares for my welfare, especially at this time of my life when everything is ending and i don't know what i want to do with my life.
if my friend feels the way you do as explained in the post, then she would make a good friend. i'm looking for a best friend in her, however, because that was the impression she gave me initially. now that i know that is out of the question due to her commitments, i will move on.
you said that you're that sort of person, who won't force people into friendship or can't help being preoccupied by your work. well, i'm the exact opposite, which is why i see this as a problem, and that's me. i've told her how i felt about it, but if she won't meet me half way, then you can't say i didn't try.
if she truly values my friendship, i hope she would try to work things out with me, but i'm not holding my breath.
April 10, 2008 10:11am