Usually, I don't like to blog about this kind of things, but maybe doing it this time, will help me ease the pain I'm feeling right now...
My brother has cancer. The doctor (who's administering the chemotherapy) said that my bro's case is very difficult.
He's going through chemo again, but this time is different; is one application every 21 days, but his veins hurt because of the previous chemos. The doctor said that if by the third or fourth chemo the protein levels don't go down, he won't administer more chemos to my bro. The doctor said that he will do everything in his 'power' to help my brother, but the last word is God's.
Me, I'm a Christian. I believe and have faith in God. I know God is good. But right now, is so hard for me to imagine that my kid bro will be gone if the stupid cancer doesn't give in. I have little hope... really.
My pastor told me that until something hasn't been said decisively there's still hope and we should keep praying for him. I know that God will do whatever is best for my brother, even if that's taking him from us. I know that we have to accept God's decision humbly; but for me, as one of the most imperfect beings, as a brother, as a human, is really hard to accept this.
Three days ago, my bro said to my mom:
Mom, I want to live, I really do. But if God wants to take me to Him, so be it. I'm not afraid any more.
It's so hard not to be able to do something for one of the people you love the most in this world. It's painful, very painful.
Sure, I could be there for him, but I wish I could do more. I would trade my life for his, really. I'd gladly do it, without hesitation.
I'm older than him. I've lived longer, so it's fine if I go first. I should be the one to go first.
I'm angry, frustrated, sad, desperate...
My kid bro is a very intelligent guy, and for his young age, he's very mature and wise. He has dreams, and goals. He's very persistent, and once he's set a goal, he'll do whatever it takes to achieve it. He's tough yet sensitive. His disposition through all this has been amazing. Positive in every way.
My brother is one of the people I admire most in this world.
If the Almighty decides to take him from us, I pray to Him to give us the strength to be able to go through such a painful situation.
I'll keep praying but I wish I could take this pain away from me.
